The Bugs
by Montydragon
Summary: The whole tower goes insane when the Teen Titans discover they all have lice. While Raven panics, Cyborg gloats, Robin grieves over lost hair, Starfire uses up all the shampoo and Beast Boy waits for it to all be over, an elusive villain decides to take advantage...


"Robin, what is this?"

Under normal circumstances, Robin would have barely glanced over at Starfire before going back to filling his black hair with hair gel. But the tiny, struggling bug in Starfire's fingers caught his eye before he could look away. His eyes widened under his mask. "It's...it's a louse, Starfire. Where'd you find it?"

"What is, 'the louse', Robin?" she asked innocently, squeezing the bug between her fingers. "And I found it in my hair."

Robin took a deep breath. "Well, a louse is a species of bug that lives in your hair, Starfire. They...sorta suck your blood..."

"Like, 'the vampire'?" Starfire asked, staring at the bug. Robin, grateful to have something to compare to, nodded uneasily. "You said it was in your hair?"

Starfire nodded, looking at Robin curiously. "Yes, I did find it in my hair."

Before Robin could reply, the two heard a scream from the other side of the tower, followed by a loud thumping noise. Beast Boy came running down the hall, screaming, "LICE! I HAVE LICE!"

Robin caught Beast Boy as he rocketed past the bathroom, still screaming. "You said you have lice?" Robin asked. Beast Boy nodded, still panting.

"I found one when I was looking in the mirror!" Beast Boy howled. "Oh, my beautiful hair is infested!"

"Infested?" Starfire asked. Robin sweat-dropped. "What does 'infested', mean?"

"It means you have LICE!" Beast Boy screeched. "Now I have to purge my beautiful green hair! Do you have any idea how long that's going to take?"

"Beast Boy, you're confusing her," Robin scolded. "Starfire, I'm afraid you have lice too."

Starfire's eyes grew wide. "I have...the lice?" she asked, her voice filled with alarm. Robin nodded, growing wary. Starfire could be very powerful if she was startled, much like a tiger.

The orange-skinned alien swiftly lifted a hand to her head and shot it with a starbolt, singeing her hair and alarming Robin, who quickly slapped at it to keep it flame-free. "What was that for?" he asked.

"Forgive me," Starfire said, voice quiet. "On my planet, we have the Zorkbacks, little creatures related to your lice. Shooting one's head with a starbolt will scare them off. I am sorry if I have scared you."

"It's ok, Star," Robin reassured her. "That isn't how we get rid of lice here on earth, though. We have to use shampoo."

"But I wash my hair with the shampoo every night. Wouldn't that get rid of them?"

"Special shampoo," Robin said. "I probably have lice, too, if you and Beast Boy have them. Why don't you get Cyborg to get some while I check my hair? He can't have lice, after all. He doesn't have any hair."

Starfire nodded and floated out of the room, leaving Robin with Beast Boy. Beast Boy, who had been crazily hopping around just seconds ago, was now standing stiffly, a terrified expression on his face. Robin, noticing, asked, "Beast Boy, what's up?"

"Well, I just had a small thought," Beast Boy said, his voice tiny. "If Starfire and I have lice, then that means…" he shivered and gestured down the hall. It took Robin a second to see what he was pointing at, but once he did, he cringed.

"Oh God, why didn't I think of that before?" he mumbled. "And I do have lice, I just found one. The odds are just getting better and better…"

Beast Boy stared down the hall, shivering. "I know I'm the one who's going to do it. You don't have to say it aloud," he whispered. "I'll be back here in a few minutes. If I get back at all."

Beast Boy began to walk down the hall, each footstep seemed shorter as he made his way to his destination. When he arrived, he slowly knocked on the door. It opened swiftly, scaring the daylights out of the changeling.

"What?" Raven asked grumpily. "Some people need sleep, Beast Boy."

Beast Boy let out a squeak, but no words came out. Raven growled at him. "Come on, Beast Boy, spill."

"Everyone in the tower has lice!" Beast Boy screamed. Raven hopped backwards, covering her ears and glaring at him. "We think you do too!"

Raven's eyes widened under her hood. "Did you just say you think I have lice?" she asked. Beast Boy nodded.

"Yeah… Robin wants to check everyone in the tower… He wanted me to get you…"

Raven sighed. "I'll check myself. If I do have lice, I'll find you. Is Cyborg getting shampoo?"

Beast Boy nodded again. "I'll be in the bathroom, comforting Robin about what he's going to do to his R-cycle helmet."

"I think it would be a better idea to help Cyborg with the T-car. He's going to be furious," Raven remarked, closing the door and leaving Beast Boy standing in the hall.

A/N: Did you like it? Did you hate it? Please review!

-Montydragon


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